I’m a Kevin Smith fan and I really wanted to write a different review. However, Yoga Hosers is bad in a lot of ways. Ralph Garman is someone I really like and Hollywood Babble-On is the only Smith Podcast I listen to. Yet, there were so many issues with this film that it fails for me in almost every way. After a bit of deliberation, Yoga Hosers gets the Avoid Like the Plague rating.
Yoga Hosers is the first Kevin Smith movie that I wish I hadn’t watched
Colleen Collette (Lily-Rose Depp) and Colleen McKenzie (Harley Quinn Smith) are two yoga enthusiasts high school sophomores that work as clerks at a Canadian Convenient store. They get invited to a senior party, but their plans get squashed when they’re called into work. They soon discover an evil presence from almost a hundred years earlier that have an agenda of death across the great white north.
There was a time when Johnny Depp’s name in the credits of the a film meant quality. That has been on a decline for some time and should be a warning flare about this film. The fact that he was willing to do this and put his daughter on the front of it speaks about the film and his career. In all honesty, there are several people who are respected actors in their own right like Justin Long, Tony Hale, Natasha Lyonne, and Genesis Rodriguez. They show up in this movie and one can only assume are Smith fans or friends as well.
I usually love Smith’s writing style
Smith’s writing has always been some of my favorite. Mallrats spoke to me on a spiritual level and still cracks me up all the time. Yet, his style and interesting dialogue is completely absent in this movie. The overuse of graphics to introduce characters that seem to have no real need or purpose as the dialogue gives us enough information about them. Yoga Hosers is full of internet buzz words shoved into every moment that seemed to show how out of touch Smith was with his intended audience. While I’m in my thirties, I work with high school students. Granted, I’m not Canadian, but neither is Smith, and nothing about how the characters behaved felt genuine.
At this point, one could argue that the film is a fantasy and doesn’t need to reflect reality. However, it’s clear that the world the characters live in is built from ours with one fantasy element in it. That element looks bad as the visual effects in the film are cheap and choppy. A low budget film should rely on the writing and practical effects so the film is visually pleasing. If it can’t be then maybe the film shouldn’t be attempted without the tools needed to complete it. I would say the visuals would have been acceptable in a better story or a funnier comedy. Sadly, they’re in this film that seems more like a result of too many hours of weed induced laughter.
Final Thoughts on Yoga Hosers
I think I could write several more paragraphs pointing out what I thought didn’t work with this film. Then I could write several more paragraphs explaining why I’m sad that it didn’t work. However, I’ve spent enough time thinking and writing about this movie. I’ll reluctantly watch Moose Jaws, Clerks 3, and the Mall Brats TV series with hopes of a glimpse of the old Kevin Smith. Yoga Hosers is on Netflix now, but it may not be worth the 90 minutes of your busy lives.
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