I really don’t know what I was thinking. The second I purchased the ticket to “Kidnap”, I immediately regretted it because I knew it was going to be bad. Still, I sat through it.
Kidnap didn’t work for Big Tuna
If this film’s title doesn’t reveal everything you need to know about the contents inside, feel free to see it. But for most, I assume that you can figure out the plot outline of this film based on its title alone. The movie is just as generic as the title suggests. I actually came up with some alternate titles that would have been better than “Kidnap” – “The Hillbilly Meth-Heads Attack Black People Again… Oh Well”, “How Many Crimes Can Halle Berry Commit without Punishment?”, and “How an A-List Star and a B-List Movie makes a C-List Performance”. It’s that bad. I laughed multiple times at how predictable the script was, and that really ruined any chance of suspense for me as a moviegoer. I honestly don’t even know if this movie would qualify for a “Well, you tried” award. The characters are basically cardboard cutouts of their archetypes. The dialogue is very cheerily written, and a lot of the character development is exposition. The film thinks that the audience isn’t smart enough to figure things out, but they are.
The production value of this film is awful, too. It is slightly above the quality of a B-movie. If it weren’t as violent, I would have expected this to be one of the darker Lifetime movies, The editing is erratic and overuses cuts to black. The cinematography is ridiculously shaky to the point of being annoying, and the lighting is awful at times. Halle Berry overacts the heck out of her role. I don’t believe her crying scenes, and her delivery of the extremely cringe-worthy intense lines, such as “You messed with the wrong kid!” are laughable.
Overall, I thought that “Kidnap” was awful. It was delayed for many years, and I know that’s because of its former distributor’s bankruptcy, however, there is a reason why this one took one of the longest times to get to theaters: it didn’t need to be shown. This movie should be Avoided Like the Plague.
This review was written by Big Tuna from the Big Tuna on Film Blog. Make sure to check it out for more great reviews like this!